So long, farewell!

The bishop didn’t assign me a specific topic so I thought I would take this time to share with you why I personally have chosen to serve a mission.

When I was young my grandparents served as Mission Presidents in England, and later as area Presidents in Hong Kong. My most vivid memories of them when I was young are when they would come home to visit. They would always gather me and my cousins in a big room and share a story about the gospel usually relating to missionary work. I remember them going around to each of us and asking if we were going to serve a mission when we got older and I can remember always answering yes. This is what first sparked my desire to serve, but I didn’t really know then why I wanted to go, or what the purpose of a mission really was. I didn’t understand the importance of the gospel and I didn’t know yet what it meant to me personally. 

I’ve been a member of this ward my entire life and I was raised up with a knowledge of the gospel. But I was not born with a testimony and I knew I couldn’t lean on the testimonies of my family forever.

It has taken me 20 years of life to know the truths I know now about this gospel and I know I have an eternity to keep learning. And it is because of the people I have been blessed to be surrounded by and the experiences I have had that have made me realize what this gospel means to me and why I want to serve a mission. Knowing that the next 18 months of my life will be dedicated to bringing others to Christ I have thought a lot about my own conversion and how I came to know the truth about this gospel and why it is important to me. I thought I might share some of my experiences that have gotten me here standing at this pulpit 3 days away from entering the MTC.

 I can remember the very first time I recognized the spirit. I was 12 years old and it was my first time at girl’s camp. We had a lesson on the Holy Ghost and when our leader ended the lesson she asked us to take a minute and then bear our testimonies and share an experience we had when we’d felt the spirit. I remember going into panic mode trying to pick out a specific time I had felt the spirit and anxiety kicked in as I realized I wasn’t certain if I had ever felt the spirit. I didn’t know what I was going to say. I remember praying that I could think of something before it was my turn to speak. Eventually I gave up trying to think of an experience and I simply began to listen to the testimonies that were being shared by the other girls. Their testimonies touched my heart and I remember the calm that came over me as I realized what I was feeling was the spirit. This was an important step for me in coming to know if this church is true.

It is important to be able to recognize the spirit because it is through the Holy Ghost that we receive the truth.

I’ve tried to put myself in an investigators place and it feels overwhelming. They are taught so much in a short amount of time; a lot of it must be confusing. It made me wonder what makes them want to be baptized and I came to realize they choose to be baptized because they recognized the spirit. They might not understand everything about the gospel yet, but they have felt the spirit testify to them that it is true. As a missionary it will be important for me to recognize the spirit not only to help me teach, but to allow me to help investigators understand when they are feeling the spirit because the Holy Ghost is the true converter, not me.

It is the spirit that helped me to know that Joseph Smith was a true prophet.

A few months after that experience at girl’s camp I was reading in Joseph Smith History. As I was reading I felt the spirit very strongly and his story became real to me for the first time, and I knew for myself without any room for doubt that Joseph Smith was a true Prophet, I knew he had seen a vision, and that he saw Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

 Before then I still didn’t understand what the gospel meant to me, but that day as I read the words of Joseph Smith it amazed me that he would sacrifice so much, even his own life for this gospel. It was the most important thing to him, he put Christ before everything. That was when I realized that this gospel couldn’t be just 3 hours of talks and lessons I easily tuned out every Sunday for the rest of my life. It was important. Before then the gospel, Heavenly Father, and Jesus Christ were just a part of my life. But because of the faith of Joseph Smith I realized this gospel had more importance than I understood, and I wanted to know why.

Even though I had these incredible experiences my focus was never consistent. I knew the gospel was important, I had felt the spirit and I knew Joseph Smith was a prophet. I had had wonderful spiritual experiences but I still I didn’t know what the gospel meant to me.  I didn’t know what to do with the knowledge I had gained so it often got set aside. My testimony wasn’t lost, but it wasn’t growing either.

I believed the gospel was true, but what I lacked was a relationship with God. I didn’t recognize his hand in my life because I wasn’t looking for it. I didn’t recognize my reliance upon him because I didn’t know I needed it. I didn’t understand the importance of the Atonement, and the Plan of Salvation.

When I was growing up I suffered greatly from anxiety. I would get so afraid of the smallest things that I would make myself sick. When I was 14 years old I got very sick, my appendix had burst and because my symptoms were similar to the flu we didn’t know how serious it was until over a week later. When we got to the hospital they got me into surgery as quick as they could. I remember being deathly afraid so much so that I would have endured the terrible pain rather than go to the hospital. They laid me on an operating table and as they wheeled me down the hall we ran into Colleen Bodell, a former member of our ward whom I love very much. When she heard what had happened she immediately offered to come into the operating room and hold my hand. That set my anxious heart at ease. Colleen later told me she normally didn’t walk down that hallway but that she felt she needed take a different route and that’s when she ran into me. My mom didn’t hesitate to tell me that Heavenly Father was watching over me. And once I realized that, the anxiety that crippled me my whole life was gone.

I knew that God was watching over me and I knew with his help I could get through hard things.

Because of that experience I realized that just because God is not with us physically it doesn’t mean he is not with us. I thought God was and incredible being that I might get to meet one day if I do everything right. But I learned then that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are a constant part of our lives. I wasn’t afraid of anything anymore because I knew that God was with me.

A year after this experience my Father was diagnosed with brain cancer, and about 1 year after his diagnosis he passed away. It was during this time that I gained a sure testimony of the Book of Mormon. It is what brought me peace. One of the great privileges of being with my Father at the end of his life was seeing just how much the gospel meant to him. Every day he would sit in our living room and read the scriptures. When he started to lose his vision he bought a larger copy and kept reading. When it got too difficult to read he would have someone read it to him. He read them as if his life depended on it. He knew the importance of the Book of Mormon. And as I watched him, and studied them for myself I began to realize how important they were. On the front page of my first set of scriptures my father wrote, “The scriptures are one of the greatest treasures our Heavenly Father has given to us… I promise you that if you will search these books and chapters you will come to know yourself, and the savior Jesus Christ.”

Losing him was one of the most difficult experiences of my life, but it is also one of the greatest experiences of my life. I had never been closer to God than I was at that time. I read the Book of Mormon as much as I could and I did come to know myself and my Savior better. Because of that experience I can say that I know I will see my Father again. I know that Heavenly Father has created a marvelous plan for us. I know that that experience was a part of Heavenly Father’s plan for me. I know that Jesus Christ suffered the Atonement and that he understood what I was going through.

This experience helped me to realize what the gospel meant to me. 

Around that time I discovered a quote that my mother had written in my first set of Scriptures. It is by Ruth May Fox and it says,

“The gospel has meant everything to me; it has been my mantle of protection against temptation, my consolation in sorrow, my joy and glory throughout all my days, and my hope of eternal life. The Kingdom of God or nothing has been my motto.”

This has become my own testimony.

Why have I chosen to serve a mission? Because the gospel means everything to me. It is my hope, my joy, my life-saver, my foundation, my peace, and my source of happiness.

Because it inspires me when I think about Heavenly Father sacrificing his beloved son for us because he loves us. And when I think about Christ who willingly offered himself as a sacrifice to suffer in our stead because he loves us. To think that two perfect beings would sacrifice so much for us, knowing that we are imperfect beings and that we would often take their sacrifice for granite, and even turn our backs on them at times fills me with such gratitude and joy.

I want other people to know this life I have known, to see how much their Father in Heaven, and Jesus Christ care for them. I want to give them the hope and happiness that can only come through knowing the truth about this gospel. Living with a knowledge of the gospel is living with the best life you could ever know, and I want other people to have that.

Ultimately I want to serve because I love Heavenly Father, and I love Jesus Christ. I love this gospel, and the tools we’ve been given to learn about it and apply it to our lives, and I love the plan that has been created for us.

I don’t know the people of Houston yet, but I love them and I can’t wait to share the gospel with them. I am grateful that Heavenly Father has put his trust in us by allowing us to serve missions. I know that the next 18 months of my life may very well be the most difficult thing I will ever experience, but I know that the Lord will help me through it.

I am grateful for this ward, for the leaders and the teachers I have had, for my friends, and for my family, you have all been wonderful examples to me and I love you very much.